just a little unwell

I have a couple things to report, first what you've all been waiting for ... ha... the results from my first week of hellth week, also some comments about why I think my Dog, Hank, may be mentally ill
Results
The first week was fairly easy, the only hard part was that I am FULL all the time... because I feel like I'm eating ALL THE TIME! but this is normal, before being on this plan I wouldn't eat until 1 or 2 in the afternoon so my body is basically in complete shock.. so thats been rough but I don't really have had any cravings for anything, besides cigarettes but I am doing better on that and hey progress is better than no progress right? And they are banning clove cigarettes in the state of NY as of the 26th or 28th or something, so at that point it will be much easier to quit... because i will be forced. ANYWAY.. I lost 7 pounds which is awesome!! im pumped. Its funny though it seems like now I am having cravings for things that I normally wouldn't eat a lot of. for example at work I serve icecream, and before I have never eaten any of it even though I can have it for free... and now I look at it and wish I could have it but it doesn't make sense because if it wasn't for the fact that I couldn't have it, I probably wouldn't want it anyway.
On day 3 I threw up the oatmeal so I told Kelly (trainer and nutritionalist), not because I wanted to quit oatmeal because I want to give everything a huge effort because I know that I don't like many foods, However, she told me to switch to Total for a few weeks ... Total with strawberries... if I knew she would change it to that I would have threw up the oatmeal sooner =) ... has anyone ever noticed that carrots take like ten years to eat? seriously , I try to just chew quick and swallow.. impossible , it takes me like 40 minutes to eat a cup of them. But I am feeling good and optimistic about week 2
HANK
Hank, my dog, is a English Mastiff (sp?). He is a good dog for the most part. All he does is lay down and walk around, beg for food, and drool. There are luxuries like, he doesn't need a leash because he is too lazy to go anywhere, you don't have to walk him far... two houses down and he has got his exersize for the day and will probably sleep for the remainder of the day, He doesn't jump, lick your face, run away, bark... but thats just the thing he doesn't do anything, and when he does do something its only when you have food... He begs like no dog I have seen before and when he shakes his head drool FLIES and when it does if you are in the line a fire be prepared for a serious drool shower, one of the chores around the house is once a week going around the house and cleaning the drool off the walls... I probably make it sound worse than it is but ... I do love him.
anyway why do I think he is mentally disturbed, well I was sitting with a friend on the front porch and he is around the house somewhere and all the sudden I hear a loud slurping noise.. and I yealled for hank, went to the side yard and found him sitting in the creek, drinking the water as it flowed down, and believe me we feed him well everyday and are changing his water constantly ... its not that he is dying of thirst ever..
a couple days later my dad is vaccuming the pool and all the sudden heard the neighbors dog constant barking... so he calls hank and hank didn't come so he went to their back yard and found hank laying down on their back porch... ok this dog is like a horse, what if you woke up one morning and saw a horse on your back porch ... he never does these things..
not to mention all week he has been begging for my carrots, I told him he really didn't want any but he didn't budge sitting in front of me starring at me until they were gone ... did I mention how long carrots take to eat?
He's not crazy, just a little unwell..

Hell, Health and Healing...

So my good friend Lori told me I should blog. So here goes nothing.
I'm not really going to explain who i am or anything, because if you are reading this already you probably know exactly who I am. I will probably go back and forth from the present to the past and some looking into the future, mostly for my own remembering.
However, The reason I am beginning this blog today is because I am embarking today, on a twelve week adventure. No not an adventure in the woods, not a bike trip, or a new job or a new place to live.. all of these i would wish were true, but no it is "Twelve weeks of Hell" or when my Dad hears me say that I change the title to "Twelve weeks of Health" both of these titles I admit are very true and very descriptive of what I am doing.. ok yeah.. I am really just avoiding the title of a "diet and excersize program"
These twelve weeks is a sort of starting over for me, its more than just getting healthy physically, but getting healthy emotionally, and more healthy spiritually and hopefully relationally and any other way I could be more healthy. I realized to start that process I was going to have to begin feeling better about myself, and having just graduated college and being in a place where 1. "the unknown" is a reality not just a thought. 2. the people that I am around aren't constantly telling me I'm the coolest thing that ever happened. 3. working two jobs is awesome only because it distracts me from my reality. 4. God seems hard to find even though most of the time He is right in front of me.
anyways I am realizing that in college I was in many leadership postitions which put me in a place where I didn't really have to feel good about myself by myself, I put myself in places where I would be looked up to and I would be confident because people affirmed me for who I was and what I was to them. So as I started my "real life"(I hate that phrase) and I tried so sooooo hard to put myself in positions that would make me feel confident and worth something, I must have sent out 30 resumes to different schools trying to be a Resident Director or a social life director... and then when I heard nothing back from them is when I really got a good look at myself and was disgusted... you can use your imagination here, and like I said if you are reading this you probably know this whole story but lets just say I "fell off the deep end" which was really what I needed to bounce back...
its just like when you go swimming in a deep pool, you dive down trying to fetch the ring at the bottom and once you reach the bottom of the pool and the pressure is pushing into your face and you feel like you can't hold you breath anymore, or even very well breath anymore. in that instant is finally when you quickly pick up the ring, turn your body so your feet are on the bottom and push up towards the surface as fast as you possibly can... and that is where I am now kinda floating at the surface I don't feel like I will be sinking anytime soon nor do I think I will ever try diving that deep again but NOW I can train myself so that next time I am faced with a something I have to find at the bottom of the pool, or a hard situation that I may have to handle, the pressure won't be so bad, and I won't have any fears of sinking or not breathing, I will not only be equipped with confidence and strength in myself, but I will also be stronger in my relationship with God who when I let Him, does the swimming for me
no not a perfect metaphor... but I just thought of it so for now it works.
so anyway to start this training so to speak, I am doing something for myself (yeah I know me me me... so selfish) Ha but no I do believe that this will help me feel better about me, regardless of whether or not I look better it will give me a better mindset, and a sense of strength and endurance that I know that I have with the help of Christ of course... DUN DUN DUN....

so yeah here goes nothing

Meal Plan:

7:30am Large glass of water
8:00am 1 cup oatmeal w/raisins, 1 glass of milk
10:30am 1 apple and 2 hard boiled eggs w/yolks
1:00pm 4oz. turkey, 2 slices whole wheat bread, lettuce and tomato
3:00pm 4 RyKrisp crackers, 1 cup raw veggies, 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish)
7:00pm 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish), 1 cup steamed veggies or salad w/olive oil and vinegar, and 1 cup Brown rice or small sweet potato

*Drink 100oz. of water per day
*You may have up to 3 small pieces of dark chocolate per day-- at least 70% dark
(only the size of a half dollar)
*You may have red wine a couple times/week
*You may use condiments that are fat free
(ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce, terriaki, etc)
*You may drink coffee or tea w/a little cream or milk—very effective 1 hour before
a workout

God HELP me!