Hell, Health and Healing...

So my good friend Lori told me I should blog. So here goes nothing.
I'm not really going to explain who i am or anything, because if you are reading this already you probably know exactly who I am. I will probably go back and forth from the present to the past and some looking into the future, mostly for my own remembering.
However, The reason I am beginning this blog today is because I am embarking today, on a twelve week adventure. No not an adventure in the woods, not a bike trip, or a new job or a new place to live.. all of these i would wish were true, but no it is "Twelve weeks of Hell" or when my Dad hears me say that I change the title to "Twelve weeks of Health" both of these titles I admit are very true and very descriptive of what I am doing.. ok yeah.. I am really just avoiding the title of a "diet and excersize program"
These twelve weeks is a sort of starting over for me, its more than just getting healthy physically, but getting healthy emotionally, and more healthy spiritually and hopefully relationally and any other way I could be more healthy. I realized to start that process I was going to have to begin feeling better about myself, and having just graduated college and being in a place where 1. "the unknown" is a reality not just a thought. 2. the people that I am around aren't constantly telling me I'm the coolest thing that ever happened. 3. working two jobs is awesome only because it distracts me from my reality. 4. God seems hard to find even though most of the time He is right in front of me.
anyways I am realizing that in college I was in many leadership postitions which put me in a place where I didn't really have to feel good about myself by myself, I put myself in places where I would be looked up to and I would be confident because people affirmed me for who I was and what I was to them. So as I started my "real life"(I hate that phrase) and I tried so sooooo hard to put myself in positions that would make me feel confident and worth something, I must have sent out 30 resumes to different schools trying to be a Resident Director or a social life director... and then when I heard nothing back from them is when I really got a good look at myself and was disgusted... you can use your imagination here, and like I said if you are reading this you probably know this whole story but lets just say I "fell off the deep end" which was really what I needed to bounce back...
its just like when you go swimming in a deep pool, you dive down trying to fetch the ring at the bottom and once you reach the bottom of the pool and the pressure is pushing into your face and you feel like you can't hold you breath anymore, or even very well breath anymore. in that instant is finally when you quickly pick up the ring, turn your body so your feet are on the bottom and push up towards the surface as fast as you possibly can... and that is where I am now kinda floating at the surface I don't feel like I will be sinking anytime soon nor do I think I will ever try diving that deep again but NOW I can train myself so that next time I am faced with a something I have to find at the bottom of the pool, or a hard situation that I may have to handle, the pressure won't be so bad, and I won't have any fears of sinking or not breathing, I will not only be equipped with confidence and strength in myself, but I will also be stronger in my relationship with God who when I let Him, does the swimming for me
no not a perfect metaphor... but I just thought of it so for now it works.
so anyway to start this training so to speak, I am doing something for myself (yeah I know me me me... so selfish) Ha but no I do believe that this will help me feel better about me, regardless of whether or not I look better it will give me a better mindset, and a sense of strength and endurance that I know that I have with the help of Christ of course... DUN DUN DUN....

so yeah here goes nothing

Meal Plan:

7:30am Large glass of water
8:00am 1 cup oatmeal w/raisins, 1 glass of milk
10:30am 1 apple and 2 hard boiled eggs w/yolks
1:00pm 4oz. turkey, 2 slices whole wheat bread, lettuce and tomato
3:00pm 4 RyKrisp crackers, 1 cup raw veggies, 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish)
7:00pm 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish), 1 cup steamed veggies or salad w/olive oil and vinegar, and 1 cup Brown rice or small sweet potato

*Drink 100oz. of water per day
*You may have up to 3 small pieces of dark chocolate per day-- at least 70% dark
(only the size of a half dollar)
*You may have red wine a couple times/week
*You may use condiments that are fat free
(ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce, terriaki, etc)
*You may drink coffee or tea w/a little cream or milk—very effective 1 hour before
a workout

God HELP me!