not overly artsy

ok so yeah, the new layout thing was over rated, i should stop trying to by overly artsy beause im not that artsy... anyways...

that last blog was lame, i know, Christmas was kinda different this year it was good but for some reason i wasn't really into the music, the food, or the decorations, i know real lame, real lame, next year will be better we made some new family traditions and we did have a great time, and i worked half the day so yeah it was great (double time ... oh yes!)

Student Loans
ok so I realize by ging to school i was getting myelf in extreme debt but, i don't think i realized how extreme, i'm just going to be real open about this, i pay 7 different loan companies, every month for 20 years, andI won't tell you the total amount of this debt but i make 10 dollars an hour and the loan payment amount is over half of what i make in a month... that is just school loan payments... not to mention i have to pay for gas and food, and i should be paying for my phone and for my insurance... and i still live at home, i can't even think about getting a place of my own for a long while... with that said, I've been frustratd, i really wish there was just someone who could just pay all those loans i mean the only thing i have against me is i got a friggin education, and what did I get for it?? a 20 cent raise per hour.... and a debt that will last me 20 years... however all is not lost, i just had a revalation.... and yes i will share, whether or not you want me to....

I suppose i was lucky enough to get an education, I live in america where you can get loans and expeience maturity, independence, and spiritual growth, if you are looking for it, I got a tremendous amount smarter, i mean I did get my bachelors degree, not in anything good but i graduated, and that was God, I believe he gave me that opportunity even putting me in a place where i was able to go to school and be on my own, so i could develope as a person..
and now even though it seems like I'm never going to get out of debt and never going to be able to do anything ever, I CAN pay my bills each month, i have enough money, no i can't get my own place, no i can't move to india and start an orphanage just yet but there are tons of people who have to pay debt with more credit, and tons of people who don't even get the opportunity to take out loans, tons of people who were never even given the option to go to school, and GOD has provided for me an education and NOW a way to pay for it, even if i don't have tons of extra in my pocket at the end of the day, I have what i need and that is AMAZING! and who knows what God will do with me in the future, he knows the desires of my heart and He WILL fulfill me where ever i am, i just need to look for and recieve his fulfillment

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(thanks jen!)

today after paying all of my loans for january i just had this overwhelming sense of peace and accomplishment that only comes from HIM and that was the overflow of my heart into this blog, when i was done calling and filling out checks, i felt like i could fly ... and i even said it out loud, my dad was laughing, he thinks im losing it.

I am stil on the diet, not going to give you and update because its been rather discouraging latley, i'm not gaining weight but the holidays were, well they were the holidays why are the holidays and "bad for you" foods so related... why is it always tradition to make tons of cookies, why don't we make tons of grilled chicken or tons of hard boiled eggs, or tons of carrots.. well i know why we don't do tons of carrots, that would just take forever and they don't tate very good with BBQ sauce... but you get my point

well peace be with you, and also with you, lift up your hearts... ding ding ding ding

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear"

So i thought new 12 weeks, new format, which i am pretty picky about formats, so I'm not even sure i like this one yet, so we will see how long it really lasts...

yeah i don't know why i care so much but after trying to find a good template for so long, I'm hardly even really in the mood to blog anymore ..hahaha oh well



12 weeks

so week one went well I lost 3 pounds or 4 I'm not actually really sure but they are both good so that brings me up to about 45 pound, lost of course. I got sick this week too and i was CRAZY busy so i was happy with 3 or 4 lbs for sure. I don't even remember what happened last week.



so i got a new job at Seneca Cayuga ARC ... check it out at sencayarc.org ... good stuff, I work at a residential home with 4 individuals with developmental disabilities. I help them do stuff like cook dinner, shower, go out in the community, we work on each of their specific goals to try to get them to want to be more independent. Its really awesome I love the individuals I'm working with and I love my co-workers... so it all good! I even got a 20 cent raise for going to college, I knew i went there for a reason!

Christmas songs
so I was thinking about Christmas songs the other day, and can i tell you this year I haven't really gotten into it, although i don't feel like I'm really into Christmas at all really... not buying gifts, don't have a tree, haven't actively listened to any Christmas music... don't call me scrooge but i think i have even developed some Christmas peeves mostly related to Christmas songs...

1. You know that dumb song it goes something like this and if i could sing in my blog i would "last Christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away, this year to save me from tears , I'll give it to someone special" OK now this wouldn't be a bad song if there was a follow up happy ending song but no A. they have been playing this song for years and this person never ends up giving their heart to someone special, every year they sing the same thing, it just goes on and on, a never ending cycle of hurt and tears, seriously smarten up, take some advice from me and just be single. B. you wonder why i keep saying "this person" i still cant figure out whether its a girl or a guy that is singing this song.

2.and then there is this other song it may be called "so this is Christmas" and i don't really know the significance of it and to be quite frank, i really don't care. if you wanted to write a song that was significant for anybody you shouldn't have made it so gosh darn annoying ... the song goes like this "so this is Christmas...." uhh i cant really think what the rest of the song is cuz basically it says this one line about 50 bazillion times, listen to it there is lil annoying kids singing in it and it lasts about 20 minutes, you tree to change the channel for a couple minutes then change it back and the annoying song is still friggin playing ... it just never ends.

3. Mary did you know ... now i know tons of people love this song but really? they could have thought of some other strategy to portray that God rules the nations, the one that what born on Christmas day, i mean that's just like saying Mary did you know that sometime in the hundreds of years future you wouldn't have had to take a donkey to Bethlehem, you could of just taken a car, and if she was here, would you really ask her if she knew? because I'm sure that she didn't know she was going to give birth to a child when she hadn't even slept with anyone. Of course she didn't know, what kind of question is that.

ok well until next time... MERRY CHRISTMAS ...and a happy new year!

Blessed, loved, employed, and smaller..

I know friends, its been way too long but ya know, absent makes the heart grow fonder I guess...

speaking of absence Ive been in maryland for the past week well like 4 days ... and let me tell you, it was awesome had sooo much fun, it was so peaceful, relaxing, refreshing, and I really am always thanking God for my friendships because it amazes me how blessed I am with people in my life that actually understand even a little of who i am, and continually direct me towards Christ, and care about me more than i deserve, i mean because thats Jesus, He cares for me even though most of the time I'm a wreck even when im trying not to be, he loves us with an unconditional love that just floods our being, and so when a person, a friend in my life demonstrates even a little bit of that love I'm just amazed because it's just incredible, and all I see is Jesus, because that's the only place that kind of love can come from. Anyway ... Maryland and the Jardine family ... vanessa = AMAZING

...I did a killer workout while I was there.. my arms still hurt... it was like 4 days ago

those kids too, Arielle and David ae getting soo sooo big, so cute, my favorite kids ever!

I also got a Christmas present check em out... don't mind my fungus foot looking toe nail polish... but the sandals, they are called rafters, aren't they the coolest you've ever seen? they are so comfy, you don't even know...you don't even know... except Vanessa, you might know...

OK, well I know you are prolly all at the edge of you seats waiting for me to tell you how the 12 weeks of hellth are going ... so well its over I just had my week 13 break and I start another 12 weeks o hellth tomorrow monday the 7th, and I can't even tell you how excited I am. Yes I have eaten tons of food, but I thought it was going to be the best week of my life eating whatever I could get my hands on but really it sucked, all the food made me sick, i felt guilty, and I was just physically, mentally, emotionally miserable the whole time... which is good but i was angry about itbecause i couldn't put away much food when i really wanted to and like i said i thought it was going to be the best week of my life.

Anyway.. the results I lost 41 pounds, 63 inches and I went down almost 3 pant sizes and here is my after picture, eventually when i am really small and don't care what i use to look like i will show you all my ugly before picture but... for now this is all you get ...

so starting tomorrow its back in the game. anyone want to join? give me a holla...

oh by the way i got that new job too, anyone that reads this knows that already but prolly in the next blog I will tell you all about it... I LOVE it! =)

Jenny comes home in a couple weeks ... CANT WAIT! i miss her too much!

i keep yawning so im gunna call it a night! peace!