not overly artsy

ok so yeah, the new layout thing was over rated, i should stop trying to by overly artsy beause im not that artsy... anyways...

that last blog was lame, i know, Christmas was kinda different this year it was good but for some reason i wasn't really into the music, the food, or the decorations, i know real lame, real lame, next year will be better we made some new family traditions and we did have a great time, and i worked half the day so yeah it was great (double time ... oh yes!)

Student Loans
ok so I realize by ging to school i was getting myelf in extreme debt but, i don't think i realized how extreme, i'm just going to be real open about this, i pay 7 different loan companies, every month for 20 years, andI won't tell you the total amount of this debt but i make 10 dollars an hour and the loan payment amount is over half of what i make in a month... that is just school loan payments... not to mention i have to pay for gas and food, and i should be paying for my phone and for my insurance... and i still live at home, i can't even think about getting a place of my own for a long while... with that said, I've been frustratd, i really wish there was just someone who could just pay all those loans i mean the only thing i have against me is i got a friggin education, and what did I get for it?? a 20 cent raise per hour.... and a debt that will last me 20 years... however all is not lost, i just had a revalation.... and yes i will share, whether or not you want me to....

I suppose i was lucky enough to get an education, I live in america where you can get loans and expeience maturity, independence, and spiritual growth, if you are looking for it, I got a tremendous amount smarter, i mean I did get my bachelors degree, not in anything good but i graduated, and that was God, I believe he gave me that opportunity even putting me in a place where i was able to go to school and be on my own, so i could develope as a person..
and now even though it seems like I'm never going to get out of debt and never going to be able to do anything ever, I CAN pay my bills each month, i have enough money, no i can't get my own place, no i can't move to india and start an orphanage just yet but there are tons of people who have to pay debt with more credit, and tons of people who don't even get the opportunity to take out loans, tons of people who were never even given the option to go to school, and GOD has provided for me an education and NOW a way to pay for it, even if i don't have tons of extra in my pocket at the end of the day, I have what i need and that is AMAZING! and who knows what God will do with me in the future, he knows the desires of my heart and He WILL fulfill me where ever i am, i just need to look for and recieve his fulfillment

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(thanks jen!)

today after paying all of my loans for january i just had this overwhelming sense of peace and accomplishment that only comes from HIM and that was the overflow of my heart into this blog, when i was done calling and filling out checks, i felt like i could fly ... and i even said it out loud, my dad was laughing, he thinks im losing it.

I am stil on the diet, not going to give you and update because its been rather discouraging latley, i'm not gaining weight but the holidays were, well they were the holidays why are the holidays and "bad for you" foods so related... why is it always tradition to make tons of cookies, why don't we make tons of grilled chicken or tons of hard boiled eggs, or tons of carrots.. well i know why we don't do tons of carrots, that would just take forever and they don't tate very good with BBQ sauce... but you get my point

well peace be with you, and also with you, lift up your hearts... ding ding ding ding