not overly artsy

ok so yeah, the new layout thing was over rated, i should stop trying to by overly artsy beause im not that artsy... anyways...

that last blog was lame, i know, Christmas was kinda different this year it was good but for some reason i wasn't really into the music, the food, or the decorations, i know real lame, real lame, next year will be better we made some new family traditions and we did have a great time, and i worked half the day so yeah it was great (double time ... oh yes!)

Student Loans
ok so I realize by ging to school i was getting myelf in extreme debt but, i don't think i realized how extreme, i'm just going to be real open about this, i pay 7 different loan companies, every month for 20 years, andI won't tell you the total amount of this debt but i make 10 dollars an hour and the loan payment amount is over half of what i make in a month... that is just school loan payments... not to mention i have to pay for gas and food, and i should be paying for my phone and for my insurance... and i still live at home, i can't even think about getting a place of my own for a long while... with that said, I've been frustratd, i really wish there was just someone who could just pay all those loans i mean the only thing i have against me is i got a friggin education, and what did I get for it?? a 20 cent raise per hour.... and a debt that will last me 20 years... however all is not lost, i just had a revalation.... and yes i will share, whether or not you want me to....

I suppose i was lucky enough to get an education, I live in america where you can get loans and expeience maturity, independence, and spiritual growth, if you are looking for it, I got a tremendous amount smarter, i mean I did get my bachelors degree, not in anything good but i graduated, and that was God, I believe he gave me that opportunity even putting me in a place where i was able to go to school and be on my own, so i could develope as a person..
and now even though it seems like I'm never going to get out of debt and never going to be able to do anything ever, I CAN pay my bills each month, i have enough money, no i can't get my own place, no i can't move to india and start an orphanage just yet but there are tons of people who have to pay debt with more credit, and tons of people who don't even get the opportunity to take out loans, tons of people who were never even given the option to go to school, and GOD has provided for me an education and NOW a way to pay for it, even if i don't have tons of extra in my pocket at the end of the day, I have what i need and that is AMAZING! and who knows what God will do with me in the future, he knows the desires of my heart and He WILL fulfill me where ever i am, i just need to look for and recieve his fulfillment

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (New International Version)
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
(thanks jen!)

today after paying all of my loans for january i just had this overwhelming sense of peace and accomplishment that only comes from HIM and that was the overflow of my heart into this blog, when i was done calling and filling out checks, i felt like i could fly ... and i even said it out loud, my dad was laughing, he thinks im losing it.

I am stil on the diet, not going to give you and update because its been rather discouraging latley, i'm not gaining weight but the holidays were, well they were the holidays why are the holidays and "bad for you" foods so related... why is it always tradition to make tons of cookies, why don't we make tons of grilled chicken or tons of hard boiled eggs, or tons of carrots.. well i know why we don't do tons of carrots, that would just take forever and they don't tate very good with BBQ sauce... but you get my point

well peace be with you, and also with you, lift up your hearts... ding ding ding ding

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear"

So i thought new 12 weeks, new format, which i am pretty picky about formats, so I'm not even sure i like this one yet, so we will see how long it really lasts...

yeah i don't know why i care so much but after trying to find a good template for so long, I'm hardly even really in the mood to blog anymore ..hahaha oh well



12 weeks

so week one went well I lost 3 pounds or 4 I'm not actually really sure but they are both good so that brings me up to about 45 pound, lost of course. I got sick this week too and i was CRAZY busy so i was happy with 3 or 4 lbs for sure. I don't even remember what happened last week.



so i got a new job at Seneca Cayuga ARC ... check it out at sencayarc.org ... good stuff, I work at a residential home with 4 individuals with developmental disabilities. I help them do stuff like cook dinner, shower, go out in the community, we work on each of their specific goals to try to get them to want to be more independent. Its really awesome I love the individuals I'm working with and I love my co-workers... so it all good! I even got a 20 cent raise for going to college, I knew i went there for a reason!

Christmas songs
so I was thinking about Christmas songs the other day, and can i tell you this year I haven't really gotten into it, although i don't feel like I'm really into Christmas at all really... not buying gifts, don't have a tree, haven't actively listened to any Christmas music... don't call me scrooge but i think i have even developed some Christmas peeves mostly related to Christmas songs...

1. You know that dumb song it goes something like this and if i could sing in my blog i would "last Christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away, this year to save me from tears , I'll give it to someone special" OK now this wouldn't be a bad song if there was a follow up happy ending song but no A. they have been playing this song for years and this person never ends up giving their heart to someone special, every year they sing the same thing, it just goes on and on, a never ending cycle of hurt and tears, seriously smarten up, take some advice from me and just be single. B. you wonder why i keep saying "this person" i still cant figure out whether its a girl or a guy that is singing this song.

2.and then there is this other song it may be called "so this is Christmas" and i don't really know the significance of it and to be quite frank, i really don't care. if you wanted to write a song that was significant for anybody you shouldn't have made it so gosh darn annoying ... the song goes like this "so this is Christmas...." uhh i cant really think what the rest of the song is cuz basically it says this one line about 50 bazillion times, listen to it there is lil annoying kids singing in it and it lasts about 20 minutes, you tree to change the channel for a couple minutes then change it back and the annoying song is still friggin playing ... it just never ends.

3. Mary did you know ... now i know tons of people love this song but really? they could have thought of some other strategy to portray that God rules the nations, the one that what born on Christmas day, i mean that's just like saying Mary did you know that sometime in the hundreds of years future you wouldn't have had to take a donkey to Bethlehem, you could of just taken a car, and if she was here, would you really ask her if she knew? because I'm sure that she didn't know she was going to give birth to a child when she hadn't even slept with anyone. Of course she didn't know, what kind of question is that.

ok well until next time... MERRY CHRISTMAS ...and a happy new year!

Blessed, loved, employed, and smaller..

I know friends, its been way too long but ya know, absent makes the heart grow fonder I guess...

speaking of absence Ive been in maryland for the past week well like 4 days ... and let me tell you, it was awesome had sooo much fun, it was so peaceful, relaxing, refreshing, and I really am always thanking God for my friendships because it amazes me how blessed I am with people in my life that actually understand even a little of who i am, and continually direct me towards Christ, and care about me more than i deserve, i mean because thats Jesus, He cares for me even though most of the time I'm a wreck even when im trying not to be, he loves us with an unconditional love that just floods our being, and so when a person, a friend in my life demonstrates even a little bit of that love I'm just amazed because it's just incredible, and all I see is Jesus, because that's the only place that kind of love can come from. Anyway ... Maryland and the Jardine family ... vanessa = AMAZING

...I did a killer workout while I was there.. my arms still hurt... it was like 4 days ago

those kids too, Arielle and David ae getting soo sooo big, so cute, my favorite kids ever!

I also got a Christmas present check em out... don't mind my fungus foot looking toe nail polish... but the sandals, they are called rafters, aren't they the coolest you've ever seen? they are so comfy, you don't even know...you don't even know... except Vanessa, you might know...

OK, well I know you are prolly all at the edge of you seats waiting for me to tell you how the 12 weeks of hellth are going ... so well its over I just had my week 13 break and I start another 12 weeks o hellth tomorrow monday the 7th, and I can't even tell you how excited I am. Yes I have eaten tons of food, but I thought it was going to be the best week of my life eating whatever I could get my hands on but really it sucked, all the food made me sick, i felt guilty, and I was just physically, mentally, emotionally miserable the whole time... which is good but i was angry about itbecause i couldn't put away much food when i really wanted to and like i said i thought it was going to be the best week of my life.

Anyway.. the results I lost 41 pounds, 63 inches and I went down almost 3 pant sizes and here is my after picture, eventually when i am really small and don't care what i use to look like i will show you all my ugly before picture but... for now this is all you get ...

so starting tomorrow its back in the game. anyone want to join? give me a holla...

oh by the way i got that new job too, anyone that reads this knows that already but prolly in the next blog I will tell you all about it... I LOVE it! =)

Jenny comes home in a couple weeks ... CANT WAIT! i miss her too much!

i keep yawning so im gunna call it a night! peace!

Conversations and Confessions

Hey guys,

so I've written this blog a couple times, I don't want this to turn into a vent blog so I haven't posted anything for the sake of having nothing good to say haha but I am feeling much better this week and I have a much positive attitude so I'm going to start this segment of my blog off with some funny text convos between Kelly (my trainer) and I, because my phone conveniently auto saves all of these things and I was lookin back and it was funny to me... =) enjoy

Me: I want french fries... just sayin
Kelly: I know... eat more protein, or chew gum

Me: Don't worry about calling me back I just wanted permission to have a cigarette... but I shoved carrots down my throat instead.

Me: the shakes are ok
Kelly: Good
Me: Can I add some chocolate ice cream?
Kelly: You are kidding right???
Me: umm ... yeah

Me: Kelly that was an hour of exercise from hell... you must hate me....

(after discussing meal plan changes)
Me: We could always lower the amount of veggies I have instead of lowering the amount of crackers... just throwin that out there..
Kelly: LOL... lol
Kelly: ..............no

Me: My body will prolly eventually thank you but right now it HATES you... just sayin =)
Kelly:Your arms are getting thinner!!!
Me: I should've known you'd say that but... right now.... ITS HARD TO WALK! lol

Kelly: Lose weight?
Me: 5
Kelly: What!!!??? yay!!! why the crap didn't you tell me sooner?? I'm dying over here!

Me: Kelly I busted my @ss this week.. I am beat and sore
Kelly: yesss! thats what I want to hear!
Me: thanks you always like it when I am am hurting for some reason!

Me: Kelly really?... I have one good week and your gunna take away everything good and enjoyable?
Kelly: You don't need bread! Its crunch time!

Me: would boxed potatoes be a possibility for me have like ever? no fat.. I looked.. Tatoes are like my fav food group!
Kelly: (she basically said no here, with lots of healthy knowledge to back her up followed by asking me if I ever tried sweet potatoes..)
Me: no ... Tatos are in the food pyramid you know

Me: Can I have orange Juice?
Me: I hear its an excellent source of calcium
Kelly: no... only fruit is your apple now

and finally...........

Kelly: How many work outs? none?
Me: crazy bad week... I did a couple of days of just running
Kelly: What was crazy? are you pregnant?
Me: ha noo

with all that said I'm at the 8 week mark and I lost.... 33! woot

On my week 13, which is my week off before I start the next "12 weeks of hellth", for half the week I am going to Maryland woot! woot! My friend Vanessa and I are going to do some top secret celebrating! I am so pumped! and David (Vanessa's little boy) and I are going to play candyland and Arielle (Vanessa's lil girl, age 2) and I will prolly play lots of games of fall asleep and then 2 seconds later yell "goodmorning" haha so cute! I love them so much!

Yankees are winning yeah!!!! I think its funny how offended I get when someone makes fun of the yankees and says stuff like I don't like them because they win all the time .... (which yes they are typically good, but they don't win all the time, they haven't won in like 6 years)

hmmm ... so basically you hate them because they are actually good

yeah I'm like that with successful musical artists, if they are famous and make a lot of money I don't like them ... I only like the bands that don't get anywhere because they SUCK! (if you don't know me well enough to know already, I am being sarcastic)

oh and then I love it when they want the phillies to win for that same reason because the yankees win all the time. THE FRIGGIN PHILLIES WON LAST YEAR!!!! ... idiots

ok im done off my soap box

NOTE... IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE YANKEES BECAUSE YOU ARE LOYAL TO ANOTHER TEAM, FOR EXAMPLE, METS FANS WHO HAVE BEEN METS FANS FOR YEARS IM NOT SPEAKING TO YOU... I AM SPEAKING TO THOSE WHO HATE THE YANKEES SPECIFICALLY FOR THE "THEY WIN ALL THE TIME" REASON... I HAVE BEEN A YANKEE FAN ALL OF MY LIFE, AND THAT'S WHY I LIKE THEM!... what I am really saying is.... don't be offended jenny that wasn't written to you...

confessions:

it was a bad week ....

- I snuck into the bathroom to eat a mini butterfinger candybar

-I had a qeusadila(sp?) with lots of cheeeeeese

however i went to a party with a table full of pop, chicken wing dip and 5 pizzas... I left 10 minutes in, driving home with tears in my eyes and yelling curse words but ... I didn't eat any of it.. hahaha =)

I cant wait til thanksgiving!~

Well lots of exciting things going on, the world series obviously, I had a job interview today, I am 3 weeks away from a week of food freedom, I am playing djembe and singing at church and absolutely love it... ahh and its a NEW week! peace!

learning with new shoes

Dear Blog Readers,
Results: I lost 25 pounds! =) in 5 weeks!

I've learned a few things this week, which means I'm going to take this blog on a more serious swing this time around... not that I don't learn new things every week, but this time I want to write it out.
1. God gives encouragement and affirmation. So if you are getting encouragement just when you feel like you really need it, that is from God, yeah He works through people! So I've been praising God for the people in my life that He works through and uses to give me encouragement and affirmation just when I need it. So if you are one of those, and you probably know it, than Thanks for being used by God in my life! =)
2. Sometimes in my life people have asked me how I am doing spiritually and a lot of times my response was "Well, I am waiting for God to show me what He has for me next in life" whether if it was what my major was suppose to be, and now what job I'm suppose to have.. BUT... I've realized that even though I long for purpose and I look for purpose in the bigger life decisions... There is NO waiting on God for purpose yeah maybe for big life decisions you may be praying and asking for guidance and waiting for response but God has purpose for everyone each day each hour even if we are waiting for guidance for a decision, I've never stopped to ask the question "why am I waiting" well there is probably something I am suppose to do now while I'm waiting before I get wrapped up in the "big answer to pray"
ANYWAYS

I think little by little God is showing me little things that I didn't pay attention to before... Next on the list ...tithe

I went to Indiana this weekend for my friend Jamie and Matt's wedding it was awesome they had a pretty unique wedding that fit them beautifully!
I had fun while I was there, went to a soccer game, pulled some pranks, went shopping, went bowling.. you know the important things.



I bought new shoes.. I needed the new sneakers for working out, I was starting to get foot cramps, and then I got flats for the wedding because I didn't come prepared.. anyway here they are in the picture.




haha yeah I like brown I guess, but the shoes were only 20 dollars and the sneakers were only 40... pretty good deals for pretty quality shoe wear =) i love new shoes!
These next pictures are just a few pics from my visit, the first pic is Lori, and I at the wedding, Lori is awesome, she is the inspiration of this Blog, and then that's me holding her lil baby Lily... so cute!




And then these next pics are my peeps haha, my little roomie and her roommates now, and then my wonderful Holly, and Alli who has a great attitude about silly string all over her stuff... ha




Anyways I am doing a new workouts this week, that is a bit like torture, I couldn't walk or go up and down stairs when I was finished... when I got the list of exercises I cried for 2 hours haha i know I'm a wimp ... but if you think about it i was just stressed about it and since I can't do anything else when I'm stressed ... I just cry... I got through them tho, which is good, at work I was sliding on my butt to go down the stairs and every time I dropped something I made my friend Megan bend down and get it, because that is what is MOST painful. But i think the muscles have healed after a couple days rest and I am excited about the workouts this weeks.. I CAN DO IT!

Creamy chocolate? Really?

I know I know its been 2 weeks? I don't even know, but now its October and I'm working on week 4 of my health program. I have lost 15 pounds so far and that's not counting the 2 pounds I lost since Monday. Kelly, my drill Sergeant (kind trainer) doesn't like when I weigh myself more than just once a week, so that's why I didn't just come out and say cough 17 lbs cough... haha opps. Anyway, the program has gotten easier and harder. Carrots still take me an hour to eat, and I'm still really full BUT this week I switched to protein shakes for my first and last meal. which means that the only meal I have to suffer through is the one with the carrots, and these shakes are OK, I mean they aren't like Doug's shakes where there is 8oz of ice cream, along with chocolate syrup, malt, and milk, but the label does say creamy chocolate so that is a plus! HOWEVER, don't be fooled, I can't believe how deceiving a "chocolaty" shake could be... OK these things look like milk chocolaty creamy delicious shake, and by golly (that's for you Vanessa) they even smell like chocolate goodness, and when I first went to try it I was convinced it would taste like chocolate ice cream in the liquid form..... ITS NOT TRUE! ... they aren't something I would take over a real chocolate shake or even a glass of chocolate milk or even a chocolate chip cookie BUT it is quick, easy and it doesn't taste half bad. I just don't want you to get the idea that now all the sudden its easy cuz I am having chocolate shakes everyday... mm no.

But workouts have gotten harder, you should see me in my basement blasting my music, watching my picture slide show on my computer, sweating profusely and yelling at myself to finish... its quite humorous.

-----yes I do realize I divide a lot of my thoughts by ....... a bunch of periods in a row, that's just how I talk so get use to it---------

accomplishments

1. 15lbs wink wink in 3 weeks

2. Alcohol free for 4 weeks

3. smoke free for 1 1/2 weeks

4. Bad but yummy free haha for 3 1/2 weeks

5. Mom free for 4 weeks ..hahahahahahah I just thought of that

6. revamped my resume

7. Started labor for your neighbor.. and is so far pretty successful

8. Putting together a package for the Poverty simulation

so I'd say I'm doing pretty well, sure I have my days, we all do, but things are looking up and with a mug of dunkin donuts coffee in my hand.. everything is just that much better.

So I have been having these weird dreams lately.. probably because I am reading this book where this guys has dreams and can't tell which is reality and which is a dream but ultimately they both are realities (Circle Trilogy- Ted dekker) ... but in this book, and I'm not making this up the portal from one reality and to another is when he falls asleep in one he wakes up in the other.. anyway so that's how my dreams are ... for some reason I will have a nightmare or even a dream I don't really like and in my dream I will find someplace to go to sleep because I know that if I go to sleep I will wake up .. like really wake up in real life and it also works in a good way if I really like my dream, I try to avoid going to sleep in my dream because I know I'll wake up... and then I have these really bad nightmares where no the dream itself isn't bad but every time I try to go to sleep in my dream to wake up, I just wake up in the same dream and then It like torture because I can't wake myself up from my dream in my dream... If you didn't understand this paragraph just forget about it, it really doesn't matter, and I would understand.

I think I figured out why Hank is mentally ill, I mean he is a 7 year old dog which makes him about 49 in human age, and if you know anything about English mastiffs you would know that they shake their head a lot to get the slobber off their mouth... ya know to decorate our walls couches and clothing with it, anyway I think 7 years of shaking that massive head with his big floppy years has really affected his brain functions.. He has got to have lost a few million brain cells ... poor old guy... or maybe when I opened my car door and didn't calculate distance very well and whacked him in the face has something to do with it ...

Yeah distance calculations are not my forte one time I was backing out of my driveway to my house at school and didn't compensate for my side mirrors, and took the whole mirror out with a tree... maybe I should work on that

anyway 2 and a half more weeks and I will be halfway there!!! I'll drink to that! ... I know I know ... shakes and water...

just a little unwell

I have a couple things to report, first what you've all been waiting for ... ha... the results from my first week of hellth week, also some comments about why I think my Dog, Hank, may be mentally ill
Results
The first week was fairly easy, the only hard part was that I am FULL all the time... because I feel like I'm eating ALL THE TIME! but this is normal, before being on this plan I wouldn't eat until 1 or 2 in the afternoon so my body is basically in complete shock.. so thats been rough but I don't really have had any cravings for anything, besides cigarettes but I am doing better on that and hey progress is better than no progress right? And they are banning clove cigarettes in the state of NY as of the 26th or 28th or something, so at that point it will be much easier to quit... because i will be forced. ANYWAY.. I lost 7 pounds which is awesome!! im pumped. Its funny though it seems like now I am having cravings for things that I normally wouldn't eat a lot of. for example at work I serve icecream, and before I have never eaten any of it even though I can have it for free... and now I look at it and wish I could have it but it doesn't make sense because if it wasn't for the fact that I couldn't have it, I probably wouldn't want it anyway.
On day 3 I threw up the oatmeal so I told Kelly (trainer and nutritionalist), not because I wanted to quit oatmeal because I want to give everything a huge effort because I know that I don't like many foods, However, she told me to switch to Total for a few weeks ... Total with strawberries... if I knew she would change it to that I would have threw up the oatmeal sooner =) ... has anyone ever noticed that carrots take like ten years to eat? seriously , I try to just chew quick and swallow.. impossible , it takes me like 40 minutes to eat a cup of them. But I am feeling good and optimistic about week 2
HANK
Hank, my dog, is a English Mastiff (sp?). He is a good dog for the most part. All he does is lay down and walk around, beg for food, and drool. There are luxuries like, he doesn't need a leash because he is too lazy to go anywhere, you don't have to walk him far... two houses down and he has got his exersize for the day and will probably sleep for the remainder of the day, He doesn't jump, lick your face, run away, bark... but thats just the thing he doesn't do anything, and when he does do something its only when you have food... He begs like no dog I have seen before and when he shakes his head drool FLIES and when it does if you are in the line a fire be prepared for a serious drool shower, one of the chores around the house is once a week going around the house and cleaning the drool off the walls... I probably make it sound worse than it is but ... I do love him.
anyway why do I think he is mentally disturbed, well I was sitting with a friend on the front porch and he is around the house somewhere and all the sudden I hear a loud slurping noise.. and I yealled for hank, went to the side yard and found him sitting in the creek, drinking the water as it flowed down, and believe me we feed him well everyday and are changing his water constantly ... its not that he is dying of thirst ever..
a couple days later my dad is vaccuming the pool and all the sudden heard the neighbors dog constant barking... so he calls hank and hank didn't come so he went to their back yard and found hank laying down on their back porch... ok this dog is like a horse, what if you woke up one morning and saw a horse on your back porch ... he never does these things..
not to mention all week he has been begging for my carrots, I told him he really didn't want any but he didn't budge sitting in front of me starring at me until they were gone ... did I mention how long carrots take to eat?
He's not crazy, just a little unwell..

Hell, Health and Healing...

So my good friend Lori told me I should blog. So here goes nothing.
I'm not really going to explain who i am or anything, because if you are reading this already you probably know exactly who I am. I will probably go back and forth from the present to the past and some looking into the future, mostly for my own remembering.
However, The reason I am beginning this blog today is because I am embarking today, on a twelve week adventure. No not an adventure in the woods, not a bike trip, or a new job or a new place to live.. all of these i would wish were true, but no it is "Twelve weeks of Hell" or when my Dad hears me say that I change the title to "Twelve weeks of Health" both of these titles I admit are very true and very descriptive of what I am doing.. ok yeah.. I am really just avoiding the title of a "diet and excersize program"
These twelve weeks is a sort of starting over for me, its more than just getting healthy physically, but getting healthy emotionally, and more healthy spiritually and hopefully relationally and any other way I could be more healthy. I realized to start that process I was going to have to begin feeling better about myself, and having just graduated college and being in a place where 1. "the unknown" is a reality not just a thought. 2. the people that I am around aren't constantly telling me I'm the coolest thing that ever happened. 3. working two jobs is awesome only because it distracts me from my reality. 4. God seems hard to find even though most of the time He is right in front of me.
anyways I am realizing that in college I was in many leadership postitions which put me in a place where I didn't really have to feel good about myself by myself, I put myself in places where I would be looked up to and I would be confident because people affirmed me for who I was and what I was to them. So as I started my "real life"(I hate that phrase) and I tried so sooooo hard to put myself in positions that would make me feel confident and worth something, I must have sent out 30 resumes to different schools trying to be a Resident Director or a social life director... and then when I heard nothing back from them is when I really got a good look at myself and was disgusted... you can use your imagination here, and like I said if you are reading this you probably know this whole story but lets just say I "fell off the deep end" which was really what I needed to bounce back...
its just like when you go swimming in a deep pool, you dive down trying to fetch the ring at the bottom and once you reach the bottom of the pool and the pressure is pushing into your face and you feel like you can't hold you breath anymore, or even very well breath anymore. in that instant is finally when you quickly pick up the ring, turn your body so your feet are on the bottom and push up towards the surface as fast as you possibly can... and that is where I am now kinda floating at the surface I don't feel like I will be sinking anytime soon nor do I think I will ever try diving that deep again but NOW I can train myself so that next time I am faced with a something I have to find at the bottom of the pool, or a hard situation that I may have to handle, the pressure won't be so bad, and I won't have any fears of sinking or not breathing, I will not only be equipped with confidence and strength in myself, but I will also be stronger in my relationship with God who when I let Him, does the swimming for me
no not a perfect metaphor... but I just thought of it so for now it works.
so anyway to start this training so to speak, I am doing something for myself (yeah I know me me me... so selfish) Ha but no I do believe that this will help me feel better about me, regardless of whether or not I look better it will give me a better mindset, and a sense of strength and endurance that I know that I have with the help of Christ of course... DUN DUN DUN....

so yeah here goes nothing

Meal Plan:

7:30am Large glass of water
8:00am 1 cup oatmeal w/raisins, 1 glass of milk
10:30am 1 apple and 2 hard boiled eggs w/yolks
1:00pm 4oz. turkey, 2 slices whole wheat bread, lettuce and tomato
3:00pm 4 RyKrisp crackers, 1 cup raw veggies, 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish)
7:00pm 5 oz. protein (turkey, chicken, or fish), 1 cup steamed veggies or salad w/olive oil and vinegar, and 1 cup Brown rice or small sweet potato

*Drink 100oz. of water per day
*You may have up to 3 small pieces of dark chocolate per day-- at least 70% dark
(only the size of a half dollar)
*You may have red wine a couple times/week
*You may use condiments that are fat free
(ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce, terriaki, etc)
*You may drink coffee or tea w/a little cream or milk—very effective 1 hour before
a workout

God HELP me!